Withdrawal

When I perceive a lack of confidence in me, doubts, disaffection... I feel the withdrawal, I walk away, I abandon people, situations, objectives, even what I have conquered, what was already mine.
When I perceive a lack of confidence in me, doubts, disaffection... I feel withdrawal, I walk away, I abandon people, situations, objectives, even what I have conquered, what was already mine.

And I wonder what's underneath that. is it lack of resources for the fight and helplessness that I can't get over o do is pride and not admit that someone thinks less highly of me than I would like?

I need to feel loved and supported to develop myself spontaneously and freely. When there is doubts or indifference I lose my security, I become smaller. I feel lost. I feel ashamed and everything falls apart.

The contradiction is that I chose a profession of continuous exposure to the public eye and judgment, to criticism. Why?

A profession in continuous exposure to public eyes and judgement

¿As a challenge to myself and to the world? O I didn't take this aspect into account at all and with the youthful arrogance I decided that I could handle anything because that's what I wanted to do more than anything else.

I hadn't counted on the little traps.

When I chose my professional path I didn't know those peculiarities of my personality, I was too young. And it was only later that they appeared or I became aware of them.

The reality is that when I have found myself in such a situation, I was questioned and I could not escape because there was a professional commitment, I have experienced moments of anguish, insecurity and weakness. that completely undermined the results of my work. Logically, on these occasions I have had to overcome those states and overcome.

But when I have found myself in front of a test, where there was still no commitmentWhere I only had to prove myself in front of strangers who judged me, where I felt like a number, the response was way below my capabilities.

 In personal relationships, in the face of an attack I shrink back. I accuse the blow and I don't respondI rarely defend myself. Sometimes I am left without an answer. However, there are others when I don't make the slightest effort to give it, as if that would be lowering myself, as if I were above it. In other words internally I withdraw and do not confront.

Logically, when the moment has passed, I am angry with myself for my passive attitude. Y sorry rage.

The result is a feeling of loss of so many things...

And after seeing all of this from a distance and from understand my vulnerability, attempt get over me when I find myself in such a situation. It is not easy, there is a pattern of behavior repeated over many years and the tendency is to follow it. But I can see things now from another place, from the understanding and every time I manage to move away from my old way of responding, it is a victory and I feel comforted.

"Vulnerability is not winning or losing: it is having the courage to show up and show up when you are not in control of the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness: it is our greatest measure of COURAGE."

Brené Brown

Inés

Actress, dancer, teacher...seeker!

My studies and dedication for years were dance and theatre.

When I stopped dancing professionally, I started doing yoga and from there I came to meditation and various processes of self-awareness.

There was a professional turn and I became more oriented towards teaching, participating in programs for children and adults in which dramatic play was used as an aid for the development of personality and as support in the face of deprivation, in disadvantaged sectors of the population.